How to Dismantle a Library

How to Dismantle a Library

First, spend two years working as a library page. It’s an easy job, but hate it anyway. Hate being the only male employee, the only one who is still fifty years away from retirement. Hate how the library smells like them, like cracked, wrinkled skin, and perfume which is supposed to smell like strawberries and doesn’t and the way you suppose a shadow smells. Take your breaks outside, just to smell something else. Even if it’s raining. Know in your gut that anything is better than the smell of all that paper and dust and dying.
Work for two years, and get fed up. Put in your two weeks notice, and then go to work for real.
Right beneath their noses, swap everything. Reverse the alphabet. Make the Dewey Decimal system count from 0 to 499.99 and then reverse. Hide 500-600 in the Children’s section. 900 should end up next to Q. Put the travel books in backwards, except for the third world countries. Do all of this while you aren’t on the clock. Sacrifice free time. This is special.
Take a screencap of every computer’s desktop. Hide all of the program shortcuts. The set the picture as the background. Watch ancient women click relentlessly at nothing, and re-boot twenty times in a row. Enjoy your revenge. Don’t feel bad about it, when you leave. They never pay you even minimum wage, anyway.